Recently, I have been reflecting on Trans Day of Visibility, which falls on Mar. 31 each year. I have been thinking about my friend – for the sake of this article, we will call her Grace. She is courageous and inspiring. Grace is a woman of color, a self-proclaimed southern belle and a transgender woman who moved to New York City to pursue her dreams and be herself. We met on a Sunday afternoon at a rooftop cocktail hour, where she was working as a waitress. She had a brilliant smile, a charming accent and a friendly personality. We hit it off right away and became friends.

As I grew to know Grace, it really opened my eyes to the challenges faced by people in the trans community. Things that people often take for granted or think are just another part of going through life can be much more difficult when you are transgender. Here are few examples:

• Housing – It’s difficult to find the right housing situation especially when you have a limited income and options. Grace’s accounts of how landlords had discriminated against her, neighbors had harassed her and roommates didn’t understand her really opened my eyes. She had to search for a place where she could be safe and comfortable, where she could be herself without hiding or pretending. Although she finally found a living situation that suited her, it was very much trial and error over several months.

   

• Community support – Finding “your people” takes time and doesn’t always work on your schedule. Grace had to ask me, pretty much a stranger and new friend, to go to the hospital for her transition surgery because another person had to be present in order for her to be admitted. She had to face one of her most important and life-defining moments without the support of her family or old friends. As we discussed how she was trying to build community and the struggle to make new friends, Grace talked about how often trans people feel isolated, misunderstood or rejected by the people around them. I began to understand the challenges she faces disclosing her trans status, dealing with rejection, and her ability to stay and feel safe.

   

• Employment – For some trans people, job history and references are difficult to navigate. For instance, when Grace was seeking a new job, I referred her to a friend who had an open position at a law firm with a largely gay staff. I thought this was an easy fix, but Grace was hesitant to apply. She realized shewould have to be prepared to explain the gap in her resume, the change in her name and perhaps the difference in her appearance. She would have to contact her former employers and co-workers without knowing how they might react; some might be supportive, others may be hostile and some indifferent.These were all things I’d never had to think about.

These are just a few examples of the types of things Grace has had to face.  Hearing about her journey opened my eyes to so many nuances that allowed me to understand the challenges of the transgender community in a way that I never would have been able to grasp on my own. 

She taught me a lot about generosity, resilience and authenticity. 

• Give with little hesitation, because even the smallest gestures can have a big impact.
• Challenges and obstacles that life throws at you are an opportunity to grow and learn.
• Be true to yourself because that is the only way to be happy and fulfilled.

As a gay male, I realize the similarities of the coming out process and how it continues through life. Now, because of getting to know Grace, I have a much better appreciation for the additional layers of coming out associated with being transgender.

I admire Grace for her strength and bravery. She left behind her family, her friends and her life in the south to move to a big city where she could live as a woman. She faced discrimination, rejection and loneliness, but she never gave up. She endured pain, fear and uncertainty, but she doesn’t regret her decisions. She was determined to be the person she always felt she was inside.

Grace did it. She is fearless.

Let’s help and support others on their journey to being fearless.