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Invitation in: My coming out journey

  • Posted on June 21, 2024
  • Estimated reading time 3 minutes
Invitation in: My coming out journey

Pride Month is a time for celebration, and in my life, I have so much to celebrate. I have an incredible career as a UX designer and serve as the co-chair of Prism, Avanade's LGBTQ+ employee network. Through my inclusion and diversity work, I get to connect with people from all walks of life and build spaces where people are free to be their whole selves. I’ve even been recognized during Avanade’s Global Inclusion & Diversity Awards as an inclusive community builder.

But things haven’t always been easy. In the quiet corners of memory, where echoes of youth linger, I find the phrase: “I wish that you can see in yourself what others see in you.” And in those moments, I think about how the love and support of a friend helped me get to where I am today.

With reflection, my identity takes on a prism of new meaning, refracting across time. When I was younger, it held a different weight – a secret whispered by the adults in the room or my peers on the playground. People glimpsed my truth before I dared to name it.

Everything changed when I met my friend Jennifer. Our friendship commenced at age five in kindergarten and continues to this day. Jennifer always saw the real me, and when I was 14, this sparked a new notion in me. That was when she first saw my sexuality, painted in hues I hadn’t yet mixed on my palette.

And there it was – the recognition, the prism refracting anew, the colors I’d hidden, the hues I failed to mix. She said, “Fred, you’re gay!”

But Jennifer wasn’t accusing me; she was reaffirming me. Having been accustomed to perceiving acceptance through a negative lens, her approach was a true 'Ah Ha' moment. She invited me to step into a new garment – a woven fabric of confidence worn today between meetings, relationships and design deadlines. My garment became my shield, navigating the teenage years into adulthood.

Indeed, Jennifer's demonstration of positive acceptance was a revelation for me. It taught me the importance of accepting others, even when empathy and acceptance wasn’t always extended to me in return.

Jennifer, my first protector – the guardian of secrets beyond family walls. She cradled my truth, like a fragile treasure in her hands and close to her heart. It was her revelation that unlocked the doors I hadn’t known existed. She swung them open, and I stepped out into a new world.

And she listened, not with judgment but with understanding. Her eyes reflected the colors of my soul. She became my confidante, weaving a fabric of acceptance around me. In her recognition, I found strength. I saw Fred, a new and empowered version of myself.

In moments when strength wavers, I return to the foundations laid by Jennifer. Her unwavering support is an internal springboard – a source of resilience propelling me forward.

When I first realized I wanted to dedicate my life to helping others like me, I knew I wanted to make their journey as smooth as possible, sparing them from the challenges and emotions I've faced. I want to ensure that everyone I support feels seen, heard, loved and – most importantly – accepted. I see myself more as a caring father figure than just a role model, as I want to deeply nurture the inner child who still needs support in navigating this journey. I am honored to continue guiding others as a role model through my work with Prism.

That initial lesson in acceptance shaped my core, empowering me to navigate a world that doesn’t always understand. Jennifer’s impact runs deep. Accepting someone who fears judgment or mistreatment holds immense power—it creates a safe haven where authenticity can thrive. With Pride, Jennifer and I embody this truth woven into the fabric of our shared journey.

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