Content warning: This blog refers to the birth name of a transgender employee at Avanade, a practice that is often referred to as deadnaming. Although this employee chose to use her birth name to discuss her transition process, we recognize that the use of a birth name can be traumatic and distressing for many in the transgender community. Please read with care.

While the festivities of this year’s Pride Month may have come to an end, Avanade continues to uplift and celebrate all members of the LGBTQ+ community all year round.  Today we’ll be hearing from one of our very own Canadian Avanaders about why her Pride Month looked a little different this year.

Leonelle Andersen, a manager in ERP from our Calgary office, sat down with me this summer to chat about her journey to living her best life as a transgender woman. Read on to learn more about Leonelle’s story and why it’s important to be your most authentic self in the workplace.

Carla: Ok, first things first – happy Pride!

Leonelle: Thank you. It feels different this year.

Carla: I am so excited to chat with you and am thrilled at how keen you are to share your story with others. To hear a voice like yours is so important. You and I have had many conversations prior to today so just to catch people up, can you maybe share with us: Where does your story begin?

Leonelle: I guess my story has two beginnings. From a young age I knew something about me was different, but when you are young, you don’t have the experiences to work through it. Thinking back, I guess I would have described my younger self as insufficient, a poser, dishonest…. It wasn’t until two years ago that I truly began to understand that I needed to make changes to myself and my lifestyle. But even then, I didn’t fully understand what or how. I was going through some pretty dark times at that point in my life and sought the help of a therapist. Seeing a therapist got me to understand my condition but more importantly what to do about it. I needed to accept that I am a transgender individual.

Carla: I find it interesting that you use the word ”accept” that you are transgender. There was obviously a time that you didn’t accept that to be your outcome. Can you maybe explain what it’s like to be uncomfortable with the gender you were born into and what that internal fight looked like for you personally?

Leonelle: In my case I have always tried to appear as masculine as possible, almost overcompensating and coming across as a macho guy. I picked activities in my life that I felt allowed me to appear more masculine, like mountain biking and Muay Thai. In the absence of any other real identity, I became obsessed with mountain biking and for many years I felt like it was the only thing that defined me.

Carla: As I read and learn more about the trans population, I am so keen to use the correct terminology. I don’t want to use the word label, but maybe I’ll ask how you identify and what changes you will be making as to how people refer to you?

Leonelle: I identify as a human – just a regular person who happens to be a part of a community that is less than 1% of the entire population. That said, I identify as a transwoman and thus my pronouns are she/her. To be honest, I would prefer if people would call me by my name. When I came to the realization that I was transgender, I didn’t think changing my pronouns was that important to me. But when I started thinking through the choices, nothing else but she/her made sense. As for name change, I have no plans for a legal name change at this point, but my friends call me Leonelle or Leo for short.

Carla: I know Avanaders will be keen to support you. Would you like people to start using Leonelle as of today? And using she/her?

Leonelle: Yes! But I do want to say, I really hope people in my life do not feel the need to walk on eggshells around me or feel they need to be careful. As of today, I would like people to refer to me as Leonelle or Leo. But colleagues, especially ones I have worked with for years, will slip up. Heck, I may even slip up from time to time – I have been Leon for my entire life! Mistakes will happen and we will all move forward.

Carla: I can’t put myself in your shoes, but in the conversations I’ve had with you, so much thought has gone into the ”when” part of your decision. When do I close the Leon chapter and start living as Leonelle?

Leonelle: Honestly, I felt like I was running out of time. I was living a double life and trying to keep this big secret. You always feel paranoid and are afraid you may run into someone you know. It has been so taxing on me, and it started to become a mental health issue. If I’m being honest, I would have preferred to have progressed further in areas such as speech therapy and certain appearance aspects before coming out in full. From the perspective of, “Why so late in my life?” it must be understood that in my previous life I was 100% absorbed with trying to be a man. I spent all of my energy fitting into the gender role I was assigned at birth. I never even contemplated another aspect of myself. So, if I think about my age, the time is now, and I am ready to start living.

Carla: For you, what has been the most difficult part in getting to this point?

Leonelle: By far, the most difficult part has been admitting to myself that, in spirit, I am not a man. There is a great deal of shame and guilt that comes with that. And then admitting I need help, and finding a therapist that could come on this journey with me. Additionally, as part of coming out, I have found it very emotional and difficult to discuss this with people I have known for a long time. Meeting new people has been much easier.

Carla: This question might seem odd, but has any of this been easy?

Leonelle: No, I don’t think there has been anything easy about this journey. That said, by far the easiest part has been my work situation. You my colleagues, I am very grateful and humbled by the reactions I have been met with thus far.

Carla: Love our fellow Avanaders! Which is a great segue into my next question. How can people best support you?

Leonelle: To be honest, the best affirmation and support is normalcy! My goal is to live a normal life. Please interact with me as you usually would and don’t be afraid to ask me questions and don’t worry about making mistakes. I am very approachable and want to be an advocate.

Carla: I know you and I have spoken about all the things you need to do to make this transition. So many things I didn’t even consider…

Leonelle: I’d like to mention my two favorite things. First, over the past 10 months I have worked with a personal stylist who has helped me tremendously in developing a style which I can identify with and thus make me feel confident presenting myself personally and professionally. Second, getting ready for my new work life and then having such a positive experience settling into it the last couple of months.

Carla: What does the future hold for you?

Leonelle: Well, for one thing, I actually see a future and I have real hope to live a much fuller life. I know that the next year will be very challenging and there will be bumps in the road that I have not contemplated. But I believe it will be a lot easier than years past. One of the most important changes to my life this past year is that I have a much richer social life. I am more confident in who I am and have met so many new people, as well as reconnected with friends from years past.

Carla: What do you wish people knew about you?

Leonelle: This one is very difficult because I was not open to these kinds of conversations before – I would have brushed it all off with “Everything is fine” or “I am doing great.” That said, now I wish that people, myself included, could have seen that things were not as rosy and happy as I tried to project. I was really struggling. 

Carla: I am incredibly sorry to hear that and am truly excited for your future. And last question, what advice do you have for others on a similar journey? Or with friends or family on a similar journey?

Leonelle: Do not think you can just escape this once you are aware or think you can handle it on your own. My therapist has been instrumental in assisting and guiding me through the challenges. Accept yourself for who you really are. Allow yourself to enjoy the journey. It has been a very nice experience to see all the small changes and how they have made me feel increasingly better about myself.